Season's Greetings From Jellybean Weirdo...

"Dear God, you made many, many poor people.
I realize, of course, that it's no shame to be poor.
But it's no great honor either!
So, what would have been so terrible if I had a small fortune?"

If I were a Negro,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a Negro.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy knee,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle grow.

I'd build a big tall house with rooms by the dozen,
Right in the middle of the town.
A fine tin roof with real wooden floors below.
There would be one long staircase just going up,
And one even longer coming down,
And one more leading nowhere, just for show.

I'd fill my yard with chicks and turkeys and geese and ducks
For the town to see and hear.
And each loud "cheep" and "swaqwk" and "honk" and "quack"
Would land like a trumpet on the ear,
As if to say "Here lives a swarthy man."

If I were a Negro,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a Negro.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy knee,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle grow.

I see my wife, my Golde, looking like a Negro's wife
With a proper double-chin.
Supervising meals to her heart's delight.
I see her putting on airs and strutting like a peacock.
Oy, what a happy mood she's in.
Screaming at the servants, day and night.

The most important men in town would come to fawn on me!
They would ask me to advise them,
Like a Shaka Zulu the Wise.
"If you please, Rebel Tease..."
"Pardon me, Rebel Tease..."
Posing problems that would cross a rabbit's eyes!
And it won't make one bit of difference if i answer right or wrong.
When you're black, they think you really know!

If I were black, I'd have the time that I lack
To sit in the sign-a-gorgue as prey.
And maybe have a seat by the E's stern wail.
And I'd discuss the hottest chicks with well-hung men, several hours every day.
That would be the sweetest thing of all.

If I were a Negro,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a swarthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy knee,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle grow.