Wednesday, June 13, 2012


A film:

The film opens with a dolly shot, the camera moving through an immense white space
toward an ambiguous blurred dark field in the distance. When it arrives, it is none other
than the young Karl Jung standing before a large spinning  Taijitu (yin-yang symbol).
Dressed as Thomas Gainsboroughs' _The Blue Boy_, he makes the sign of the horns,
the corna, or the "zwey quehr Finger" before stepping aside, allowing the the Taijitu to open
up like a pair of doors to let the movie begin.

Basic Credits:

Produced by Brian DePalma
Directed by Peter Greenaway but based on a retelling of Tinto Brass' Caligula
and DePalma's _Dressed to Kill_
Soundtrack by Ennio Morricone, w/ special Cameo Appearance of KISS

Dr. Caligubobbi: Ewan McGregor, Michael Fassbender, Computer Model, Others
Augustus: Ralph Richardson (computerized model)
Blonde Prostitute: Paris Hilton
Marriage Flamen: Michael Caine
Boy Bride: Justin Bieber
Hot Girl Victim: Charlize Theron
Older Undercover Centurion: Nancy Allen

Basic Synopsis:

Ostensibly, the story is Brian DePalma's _Dressed to Kill_, but Caligula replaces
Dr. Elliott, and Bobbi. In this retelling, the murderer self is brought out by various
sexual schemata. The setting is ancient Rome, but there are marble high rises, telephones,
video, robotics, etc. Pagan Rome never died, but a few midget woman and boy prostitutes
will, and a gigantic mutant "sex-shrimp" wearing leather armor, and an alien dog with the head of Burl Ives.

Strangest Scene:

There is a scene where Caligula-Bobbi holds a shot-gun (razor) wedding w/ a young male prostitute, but the only other attendants of the wedding are other dead victims in blood-stained togas. On both sides of the wedding procession collonade are 200 different giant rubber versions of intersex genitalia that all urinate wine in long stone urinals and drain into enormous solid gold swine's heads. Michael Caine plays the weird Flamen who weds Caligubobbi to his new bride. Caligubobbi looks like the Xeno-Adamic fertilization agent from Ridley Scott's Prometheus, while his bride, Justin Bieber, appears like the murderous Bobbi in DePalma's first film although, not wearing a raincoat and Rayban Wayfarers, but a toga and same, and the same blonde wig. Instead of a kiss to consummate the wedding, The Prometheus Caligubobbi takes a drop of "black semen" from a phallic totem near to them and puts it on his tongue, turning his whole body into a boiling mass of hyperplastic genitalia mutating in a kaleidoscopic and lapidary ecstasy of color and sound... This is when the ghost of Emperor Augustus appears riding atop a palanquin of Jake and Dinos Chapman's "chorus" of interconnected fuckface children, dismounts and moves to possess Justin Bieber's transmogrifying kaleido-scopic bride genitalia like a turtle to its beloved shell. The last part of the scene the Augustus Bieber bride gives birth to a tome made of scabs, which Caligubobbi opens and begins to read, but only makes the sound that Donald Sutherland made at the very end of _Invasion of the Body Snatchers_.

Music: The music is a remarkable achievement. All the songs have been previously used in 1970's crime and giallo films, but for this effort, only 17th century instrumentation was allowed. No one knows for sure why.